Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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