3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
