how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
