i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Randomize
