I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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