Yo dont text me then not text me
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
