it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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