I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
