I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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