This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
