yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
