You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
