Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Randomize
