So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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