Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Randomize
