ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
