i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Randomize
