You're so nebulous sometimes
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
