dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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