im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
