He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Randomize
