Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Randomize
