Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
