yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
