Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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