Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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