Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
