Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
