There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
