We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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