Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
