Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
