it's too hot outside to masturbate.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
There's always time for handjobs
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
