how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
