Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
