I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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