I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
