Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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