I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
