Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
