You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
