hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
