Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
