dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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