That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
