Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
