K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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