Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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