Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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