john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I don't deserve a penis
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
