Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
My bed smells like the plague
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
