so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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