You just made me feel so damn special
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
