She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
you never un-have a 4some
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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