Dude my mom stole all your condoms
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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